


The New Fam

by kitkatt0430



Series: Pride Month 2019 [10]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Amatanormativity, Aromantic Asexual Doctor (Doctor Who), Aromantic Doctor (Doctor Who), Bisexual Yasmin Khan, Gen, Gender confused Doctor, Genderqueer Character, Questioning Ryan Sinclair, The Doctor and her new Family, episode tags, friends validating and supporting each other, the Doctor discusses some of her past relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-04-12 08:08:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19128013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatt0430/pseuds/kitkatt0430
Summary: Episode Tags toThe Ghost Monument,Arachnids in the UK, andThe Witchfindersas the Doctor gets to know her new companions, and herself, better.Some things change, others stay the same, and life is an unending celebration of it all.





	The New Fam

**Author's Note:**

> The Doctor being mildly gender confused at times has been such a gift, I swear. I loved the Thirteenth Doctor's first season, just absolutely blew me away how comfortable the season felt with all the relationships be clearly platonic and familial. I don't think I've enjoyed the Doctor's dynamic with their companions so much since Ten and Donna (because they had such a sibling thing going on, it was adorable). Thirteen, Graham, Yaz, and Ryan really do feel like a family and I love that.

_**The Ghost Monument** _

The Doctor tugged off her jacket once the TARDIS had finished dematerializing into the time stream. She moved as though to toss it to one of the arches only to catch herself in time. No convenient arch or railing this time, but she’d seen…

Ah, yes, there it was. She hooked it on a hat stand tucked off to the side. Been a while since the TARDIS had one of these.

“So, Doc, I’ve been wondering, but I wasn’t sure it was polite to ask…” Graham paused a moment, then continued speaking despite his uncertainty. “Are we using the right pronouns for you? I mean, we’ve been assuming you’re okay with being referred to as a woman and using she/her pronouns, but you’ve said a few times now that you used to be a Scottish bloke and outside just now you corrected yourself when you were, uh, talking to the TARDIS.”

The Doctor beamed at him. “Oh, that’s not a rude thing to ask at all, Graham. That’s actually very sweet of you. Thank you for asking. To be honest, I’ve just been going with what feels right. And feminine pronouns feel right this time around. See… my species, we… regenerate into new forms when our current one gives out. There’s a limited number of them – regenerations, that is – and all my previous forms were male by human standards. I’m not really picky about human gender, though it is nice to see cultural third genders and non binary genders gaining respect in this century. But… human genders don’t really translate well from your society to Time Lord society. So while I wasn’t always the same gender by Time Lord standards, I was always the same gender by human standards. But now I’m a different gender by both and its… going to be odd getting used to the new pronouns when I'm so used to he/him."

Graham smiled with relief.  "I'm glad we haven't been making you feel uncomfortable, then."

"Not at all."  She circled the center console, trying to make sense of the way the TARDIS had reconfigured the controls this time around.

"So, um, what's that like?  Suddenly changing genders like that?  I mean, if you don't mind answering..." Ryan asked

The Doctor smiled over at Ryan.  "Oh, I don't mind at all.  Regenerating is always a sort of confusing process.  Never quite know what likes and dislikes and personality traits I'm going to wind up with.  Every cell lights up on fire rewriting itself into something new and when its all over, I'm someone new... but still me.  The important bits stay the same.  It's sort of like... going away for a while and coming back home to realize you don't like the posters on your wall anymore.  You used to love them and you treasure the memories you had of the room with them in it... but its okay to take them down and redecorate now.  New pronouns are just the way I happen to be redecorating this time."  Then she scrunched her nose as she reached across the console in order to hit two switches at once.  Because bras were not a particularly comfortable part of her latest clothing redecoration and it stretched uncomfortably as her shoulders shifted.

There ought to be some sports bras in the wardrobe room.  Maybe she'd try those next.  Or some light binders.  Something to keep her chest from getting in the way.  And would hopefully not get all sweaty and gross underneath because the one she was wearing right now?  It had stopped being comfortable a few hours ago.

She was going to have to pull up the Regeneration Check List for her body's configuration and do a full medical workup.  It'd been a long time since she'd bothered with the check list, but then this was the greatest difference in bodies she'd had ever.  Better to be safe than sorry when it came to preparing herself for necessary health upkeep.

"Anyway I think... I think I'm a little genderqueer, actually.  Going to have to think on that one for a while."  

Yaz yawned, covering her mouth with a hand while her eyes teared up a little from just how big a yawn it really was.  "Ah, sorry.  I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm exhausted.  Doctor, is there somewhere we can sleep while we're here?"

"Oh, yes, of course, there's plenty of rooms further in.  And while you all sleep, I can get reaqquanted with the controls.  She's moved a few around to new places now that the desktop theme has changed again."  The Doctor ushered her newest companions towards the TARDIS' main hallway.

"Don't you need to sleep too?" Yaz asked, following along with the other two.

"Time Lords don't need as much sleep as humans due.  I'll probably sleep tomorrow night, so don't worry."

"You've been doing a pretty good job of looking after us," Graham pointed out.  "We just want to do the same for you."

"He's right," Ryan agreed.

"Well, it was my fault you were in that mess to begin with.  But I do appreciate the sentiment."  The Doctor felt her hearts go all warm and soft at the way the three of them were looking at her.  Like family.

Perhaps it was selfish of her, but she rather wanted to keep them.

* * *

_**Arachnids in the UK** _

“So, I’ve been wondering,” Yaz began, settling down with some tea at the table in the TARDIS’ kitchen. Graham had gone to bed some time earlier and Ryan had disappeared into the library. (The Doctor had said she’d go looking for him if he didn’t show up in the control room come morning; apparently it was easy to get lost in there.) “You weren’t sure if I thought you were my girlfriend when I introduced you to my parents. Is that something that’s happened to you a lot? Someone assuming you’re their significant other without you realizing, that is?”

“I… well...” the Doctor hummed thoughtfully, setting down her own cup of tea as she joined Yaz at the table. “Yes. And also no?”

“So, its complicated?” Yaz asked, her tone and expression turning teasing. Things were often complicated with the Doctor.

“Well, I told you all how in my previous regenerations I was always a man. What humans would consider to be a man, anyway, so I was used to male pronouns and the like.”

Yaz nodded, smiling at the memory.  They'd only just entered the TARDIS for the first time and, by some unspoken accord, decided they were going to look after the emotional and physical well being of this mad alien who'd accidentally made off with them across the universe.

“Right, well… since humans tend to assume I’m human, they tend to make the usual assumptions about me that they do about other humans. Most of the time, I admit, it was useful. I benefited from male privilege in that people would often listen to me and let me take charge of situations because I was a man who seemed very much to know what he was doing.” The Doctor paused, as though gathering her thoughts, and then continued, “but there was also often the assumption that I was interested in human sexuality and romance as well. It was easier to avoid in my earliest incarnations, because I tended to look older in those lives. But I gradually began regenerating into younger looking forms and… I didn’t realize when people I considered friends started showing romantic interest in me.

“I don’t experience romantic attraction, you see, so it just never occurs to me to consider social interactions in that light. It’s led to… I’ve hurt some dear friends because of that. Because I didn’t – couldn’t – recognize or return their romantic feelings.”

“That… sounds like aromanticism,” Yaz said, hoping she’d pronounced it right. Ryan might be the YouTube vlogging guru, but she was the one who was up on all things tumblr and had learned of a number of emerging queer identities and micro-labels there, as it tended to be a haven for queer people to connect with one another. (Yaz’s side blogs were like time capsules documenting her progress towards figuring out she was bi with a preference towards women.)

“Oh, you’ve heard of it,” the Doctor beamed at her. “Yes, I’m aromantic. A particularly clueless aromantic at that. I tend to form very strong platonic bonds with people and I’ve been in a few… well I never called them queer platonic relationships, but that’s not a bad description of what those relationships were like. Particularly Rose...” the Doctor’s smile turned soft and melancholy. “We never really had a chance to discuss labels for what we had, though she knew and accepted that my feelings for her weren’t the same as hers. But were very affectionate, though. Lots of holding hands as we barreled from one sort of trouble to the next. Hugging too. And I liked snogging her, though we only did that maybe a handful of times… not counting that one time she was possessed. Don’t usually like kissing, but in some regenerations...” The Doctor’s eyes grew distant for a moment as she stared off into the distance.

“That sounds lovely,” Yaz said, sipping her tea and enjoying the sight of the Doctor getting all sappy over relationships past.

“It was quite lovely. I might not've been in love with her, but I loved her very much.” The Doctor grimaced slightly, “I do wish English in your era had more words for love than it does.”

“Oh, do we get more words for love down the line?” Yaz perked up excitedly. “I absolutely love learning about how languages evolve over time.”  And then she wrinkled her nose a bit because there was the word 'love' again and, like the Doctor said, she wished there was a better delineation between loving to learn new things and other types of love.

“Yes, well, English is sort of the language equivalent of several children dressed in a trench coat that gets more words by way of begging, borrowing, and stealing as needed. Doesn’t stop with human languages, either. Once humanity starts regularly interacting with alien races, non-human languages start being incorporated into English too.” The Doctor sighed, “but I’m changing the subject on myself, aren’t I?

“After Rose and I were… forcibly separated, I traveled with a friend who… I fear I hurt her rather badly. Not only did I not recognize her interest in me, but I kept bringing up Rose because I missed her so very much.” She sighed into her tea. “I wasn’t sure I wanted to travel with anyone at all after Martha left, but Donna just sort of… barreled her way past my defenses. She was good at that. I made it very clear, though, that all I was interested in was friendship and she was fine with that.

“After Donna… or well, for me it started while Donna was still traveling with me, but… have you read _The Time Traveler’s Wife_?”

“I haven’t,” Yaz replied, “but I know the basic story line for it. Read some fanfic inspired by the plot line.”

“Well, imagine it where both parties are time travelers. The first time I met River, she died. But she knew me. Knew things about my future… knew my name. My real name, the one I hadn’t been able to tell anyone since my marriage in my first… life.

“It was a political marriage,” the Doctor added as an aside. “Most Time Lord marriages were political. Most don’t last beyond one or two regenerations.”

Yaz shook her head slowly. “That had to be disconcerting. I can’t even imagine...” it had to have been rather frightening, really. To meet some stranger who knew things about her that no one should know and then to imply they would be married one day… especially to someone who wasn’t interested in romantic relationships, that couldn’t have been a good revelation to experience.

“River died saving my life. I uploaded her consciousness to the Library main frame, but… brain uploading is tricky and the question of whether or not she’s technically the same person now as she was before… not even River has an answer for that.

“River was born to Amy and Rory, two dear friends of mine.  And, due to convoluted circumstances, she grew up alongside her parents when they were children.  She also... well, things were complicated between us. She pushed for our relationship to be a romantic one and though I tried to act in kind, I'm afraid I disappointed her a great deal over the years.  But we did eventually come to understand each other and our marriage in those years, while our timelines were synced, was a truly happy one.  But now... it's not likely that I'll see her again..." the Doctor trailed off for a long moment, looking quite melancholy indeed.  But then she gave a shake of her head and plowed on.

"Anyway, my confusion came from… Amy had a crush on me when I first met her. She and Rory hadn’t married yet and she had cold feet about the wedding. So I was blindsided when she just up and snogged me. Very awkward – I did not like snogging all that much during that regeneration. Obviously things were sorted out between her and Rory, but… there were social cues I missed that led her to think snogging me was acceptable and welcome when it wasn’t. And then… there was Clara. After what happened with Amy and River, I missed social cues again but this time I leaned in the wrong direction and thought she was treating me like her boyfriend. Which she wasn’t and we sorted that out eventually. But… its been a recurring thing; getting social cues wrong and I just… I was a bit afraid for a moment I might’ve done it again with you.”

“No worries, then. I’m quite happy to be your friend.” Yaz offered her best reassuring expression. “I do sort of understand what you mean about getting social cues wrong and people getting hurt all around because of it. My best mate in school was a bloke and even though there were rumors occasionally that we were dating, our relationship was never like that. We were close and affectionate, but strictly platonic. I thought he was just as happy with our friendship as I was, but… he started dating this girl and I found out later from one of his other mates that initially he dated her in an attempt to make me jealous. It didn’t work, but he ended up happy enough with her… only… he started spending less and less time with me. Eventually he wouldn’t spend time with me at all outside of school. He claimed it was because she didn’t like him spending so much time alone with another girl, but now I wonder.

“I was heart broken at the time. I wanted our friendship back the way it had been and I was worried for him, being in a relationship with someone who thought she had the right to dictate who his friends were. I cried myself to sleep a few times; heart break over platonic love is just as painful as romantic heart break.” Yaz thought of her first girlfriend and how badly that split had gone. “And I’ve experienced both.”

“I’m so sorry that happened. He never should have devalued your friendship like that,” the Doctor declared loyally. “You’re quite a wonderful friend to have, Yaz.”

“You know, Doctor…” Yaz offered hesitantly, “if someone assumes you’re dating them without actually discussing it with you, that doesn’t actually mean the two of you are dating. It’s just… a date is only a date if all parties involved are aware its a date, you know? By the same token, unless everyone is aware and in agreement that they’re dating then it isn’t really dating. You don’t owe anyone a relationship just because they had misconceptions about you.”

The Doctor looked startled. “I… its’ very nice to hear you say that. Thank you, Yaz.” She sounded a touch choked up and Yaz had to wonder when the last time someone had reminded her that her consent mattered in relationships too.

Well, Yaz would just have to keep reminding her.

* * *

_**The Witchfinders** _

Ryan was in the library again.  This time reading _The Portrait of Dorian Gray_.

"You know, I've always quite enjoyed that novel," the Doctor said, taking a seat next to Ryan on the plush couch he'd seated himself on sometime earlier.  "Oscar Wilde was a great deal of fun.  He fancied me a little, I think," she mused.  "Though he was driven to utter distraction by Jack.  Hard to blame him; even I was a little daft for Jack Harkness," she sighed at the memory.

"I've read it before," Ryan said, marking his spot and setting the book aside.  "But the version I read before must've been edited pretty heavily because this one seems a lot more... I dunno, seems a lot gayer than I remember, really."

"Well, Oscar Wilde, sort of explains it all, right?"  The Doctor grinned when Ryan laughed.

"It was flattering," Ryan said quietly, "when King James kept flirting with me.  I didn't... no one's ever really flirted with me like that before.  So determined and forthright and... I really liked that.  But I don't know what that means about me."

"It could mean you find blokes attractive, but it could also mean that you enjoy being found attractive even when you don't return the sentiment.  Once I move past being bewildered, I usually enjoy being flirted with.  It can be heady, being fancied by someone else."  She thought of Madam de Pompadour; for all she wished she could have traveled with that remarkable woman, she was also glad she'd never had to explain that as giddy as she'd felt being found desirable by a woman as intelligent and wise as Reinette... the Doctor wasn't sure she would've taken the revelation that she - he at the time, really - could not return her feelings in kind.

"It really was," Ryan agreed, smiling thoughtfully.  "I definitely liked the feeling of being found attractive.  I just don't know if I found him attractive too."

"Have you ever fancied anyway?  It's alright if you haven't, you know."

"I think I have.  A few girls over the years that I thought I had crushes on.  But I never felt quite like this when they were interested in me."  Ryan sighed, looking frustrated.  "It was still... I still liked their interest, but it was different.  And I don't know how to explain that difference, even just to myself."

"It's okay not to be sure," the Doctor told him, putting a hand on Ryan's shoulder.  "It's good to question yourself sometimes.  Healthy even.  If you knew everything about yourself all the time, you'd probably get bored."

Ryan laughed.  "So we're supposed to be eternal mysteries to ourselves?"

"A little mystery can do you a world of good.  I'm still debating the whole genderqueer thing.  So if you're questioning parts of your identity, that's alright.  I'm over a thousand years old and still questioning.  It's nice to know I'm in good company."

"Seems I'm in good company too."


End file.
